Love Me Now Forever
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: Sad songfic about the death of Quatre's mother and how his father must now deal with the consequences. Sort of AU.


"Love Me Now Forever" 

**"Love Me Now Forever" ******

by Yanagi-sen

Gundam Wing songfic rough draft

Usual disclaimers apply.I don't own them or the song, although I did have to make up a lot for this particular ficcie.Song used is 'Love Me Now Forever' as sung by Sarah Brightman and Richard Marx.

Warnings: death, angst, sad

/character thoughts/

_flashback_

_ _

The knock at the door startled him."Enter."His private secretary peeked in.He frowned; she wasn't usually timid about coming in."Yes, Shaula, what is it?"When she didn't immediately answer he looked up again form his paperwork.Shaula's face was pale and there was a suspicious shimmer in her dark eyes."What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Master Winner."She swallowed, trying to steady her voice."Lady Winner… has passed away."

**_Somewhere in time I know… Darling you'll come back to me…_**

**Roses will bloom again… Still feels like eternity…**

Winner barely acknowledged Shaula's condolences or her leaving.Numb, he stood before the window but didn't see the view.One of his vice-presidents entered, quietly gathered the paperwork and reports form his desk and left.Noon came and went, the afternoon crawled by.He dragged his chair over so he could sit and still look out the window at the part of the business empire he had created, the colony he'd helped build.All that wealth, all the power, couldn't bring his wife back to him.

"I'm sorry, Master Winner."He turned toward the door with dead eyes.

"How can I help you, Miriam?"The woman was a welcome sight.Win Inc.'s main secretary, there wasn't anything that went on that she didn't know about, no situation she couldn't handle.

"More importantly, how can I help you?"

He stared out the window again."I need to get home."

"Already taken care of.The private shuttle will be here and ready to leave at 08:30 Colonial Standard Time tomorrow."

"My meeting with those builders from L-1?"

"Zandis is handling that."

"Those files…"

"Salman.Don't worry about the business.I will take care of it.Go home, eat something, try to rest.I'll have a car there to pick you up in the morning."As she left, Miriam turned."We will miss her, Quaterina was a great lady."

"Yes… yes she was."

**_In your kiss it wasn't goodbye… You are still the reason why…_**

_"I promise, my love.This will be the last trip for a while."_

_"Good.We've missed you, Salman.Quatre and Anael are growing so fast, I don't' want you to miss it."_

_He ducked his head at her gentle chiding."I haven't been away **that** much."_

_"Salman!"_

_"I'm sorry.After this trip the deal with those people from L-1 will be complete and I can take some time off.What do you say we take a trip?"_

_"Just us or the children too?"_

_"Everyone.I thought we could go to Earth.Maybe visit with Sayyul.Rashid will take Quatre and Anael for a couple days so we can have some time to ourselves.What do you say?Is your health up to it?"_

_"For the opportunity to be a family?Of course.Hurry back, my love."Quaterina kissed him, her gentle butterfly kiss."I'll be waiting."_

_ _

**_I can hear you whisper in the silence of my room…_**

The click of the lock releasing sounded unnaturally loud to Winner's ears.He let himself in to the large penthouse apartment.It was quiet… too quiet.He needed noise, needed sounds so he couldn't hear her.

_"You need more color in this place, Salman."_

She was right, as always, the place did need more color.But he spent so little time here, why bother?He found himself in the kitchen, reheating the leftovers from last night's business dinner.

_"If you didn't eat out so much, you'd never survive when you're away."_

He picked at the food, forcing some down past the lump in his throat.He dumped the rest in the disposal and put the dishes in the washer.

_"Hurry back, my love.I'll be waiting."_

"I need some noise."He turned on the music player, the soft, soothing strains of a violin concerto filling the space.

**_My heart still surrenders… Like the sun to the moon…_**

He aimlessly packed a bag for tomorrow.He didn't need much; he had duplicates of everything at most of his residences.Besides, he was going home.Home, to a bedroom that would be as cold and lonely as this one was tonight.His eyes fell on the pictures on the nightstand.He sat on the edge of the bed and switched on the light.

He picked up the small gold frame with trembling fingers."Oh, Quaterina… what am I going to do without you?Can a man survive without his heart?I gave mine to you a long time ago.And once surrendered, I don't think someone can call it back."

**_I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly…_**

He set the picture back and looked at the one beside it.Quaterina sat in the middle, arms wrapped around two children.On one side, a young boy; sea-blue eyes, pale blond hair, innocence incarnate.In short, just like his mother.On the other; a girl, same age, with midnight hair, gray eyes, and a smile that was a touch more mischievous than her half-brother's.In short, just like her mother.

Both children of his loins, though not of Quaterina's.But she had forgiven him his indiscretion, as he had forgiven every mistake he'd made.She'd loved Anael as she'd loved all his daughters, though Anael wasn't test tube like the others.Quaterina had loved everyone, and everyone had loved her.He hung his head, everything reminded him of her.

**_Love me now forever… Were the last words you said to me…_**

He found the thumb of his left hand playing with his wedding ring, twirling it around his finger.It was a habit he'd picked up over the years.It had kept him connected to Quaterina during the sometimes long absences.He remembered their wedding day.He'd been so nervous.And the day Quatre was born, he had never been more terrified.He lay down, but knew sleep would probably never come.He could feel the letters etched into the ring in Arabic.*Love me now forever.*

**_And when the morning comes… My hands still reach out for you…_**

Morning dawned, gray and cold.Winner rolled over, reaching for the other side of the bed.It wasn't unusual to feel only cool sheets, but this morning those sheets felt cooler than normal.With a start he sat up, wide-awake.The fact that he had slept was startling./That's right.She's dead. /It still did not feel real yet.Like if he hurried home, she would still be there, waiting.And they would take that trip to Earth like he promised.**__**

**_ _**

**_Some things remain the same… There is nothing I can do…_**

His body went through his morning routine on autopilot.Shower, shave, get dressed, prayers, coffee, check business news, second cup of coffee with toast, get ready for the office.But he wasn't going in to the office today.He was going home, to bury his wife.To comfort a pair of now motherless children.To try to pick up the pieces.

Miriam appeared with the car at 07:30 CST.She let herself in and came to where he was standing on the narrow balcony.She handed him his coat as his driver picked up the bag.They rode in silence to the shuttle terminal, passed through security and were conducted by personnel to their shuttle.It was a small, private vehicle used by Win Inc.'s executives when speed or discretion was necessary.They left L-4 W3996 at 08:30 CST.

**_I can barely get through the day… Ever since you went away…_**

For the entire trip home, Winner just sat and stared out the window at the passing stars.He was a man totally lost./Why, Quaterina?Why did you have to leave me, leave us?What will I tell our son, my daughter?How can I go one without you?How do I raise our children?Why Quaterina?Why? /

**_I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room…_**

_"May I sit here miss?"_

_"Of course."_

_"My name is Salman Winner."_

_"Winner?As in Winner Enterprises Inc.?"_

_"I'm afraid so."_

_"I'm Quaterina."_

_"Pleasure to meet you, Quaterina."He raised her hand and kissed the back._

_"And you, Master Winner, are quite the charmer, aren't you?"Her sea-blue eyes danced merrily._

_ _

**_My heart still surrenders… Like the sun to the moon…_**__

_ _

_Everything had been planned, down to the smallest detail.Candlit dinner, in the garden, flowers, music.Salman took a deep breath."Quaterina?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I wish to ask something of you."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Will you do me the great honor of marrying me?"He pulled the ring out from his vest pocket.Quaterina gasped._

_"Salman?"_

_"It's an emerald.I know you don't like diamonds, and this one was the same color as your eyes.D…do you like it?"_

_"Like it?I love it!"_

_"Then will you marry me?"_

_"Of course, I've been waiting for you to ask."_

_ _

**_I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly…_**__

_ _

_"What do you want to do, Quaterina?"She looked so tired, even over the vid._

_"I made a promise to Nalini."_

_"Did… did she get a chance to see the child?"_

_"Yes, though only for a moment."_

_He shook his head.Quaterina had only given birth herself four days ago.Nalini wasn't supposed to be due for another month.But she'd gone into early labor.The child was weak but stable.Unfortunately there were complications and Nalini didn't survive.Now he had a wife with a newborn and his bastard daughter without a mother._

_"Did Nalini name her?"_

_"Yes, Anael, Anael Lilith."_

_Salman sighed and bowed his head._

_"I promised her."_

_"What did you promise?"_

_"That Anael is a Winner and will be raised as one."_

_"Well, of course."_

_"No.I mean **we**, you and me.We will raise her with Quatre."_

_"Is this what you want?"_

_"It's what's right."_

_ _

**_Love me now forever… Were the last words you said to me…_**

_"Hurry back, my love."Quaterina kissed him, her gentle butterfly kiss.I'll be waiting."_

_ _

**_Heaven help us cross this… endless sea…_**__

_ _

__He knelt for midday prayers, but found it hard to concentrate on even this most basic of daily rituals.He forced himself to focus and got through his devotions./Oh, Allah.I cannot doubt your will.All I can ask for is strength.And lay your kind hands upon my children.Oh, Allah.I already miss her so much.Quaterina, I love you. /

**_With starlight above… to guide you to me…_**__

_ _

__/She always did like to see the stars. /He thought perhaps that was why she always liked to visit Earth.Surprisingly, there were very few places on a colony where one could see the stars./And they do not twinkle in space. /Quaterina said the stars danced./And now, my love, you dance among them. /

"Master Winner.We'll be arriving in about 20 minutes."

"Thank you, Miriam.Transportation?"

"All set up."He nodded and turned back to the window./Yes, my dear, you dance with the stars. /

**_Waves crashing on distant shores…_**

"Daddy!"

"Father!"

Salman caught the two children as they hurled themselves at him.He picked up his daughter and took his son's hand.He sat with them on the couch, one on each side.He wiped away the newest round of tears.Glancing up, he saw a copy of the picture on his nightstand.The eyes still got him, even after all these years.Eyes the color of the Mediterranean.

"Father?"

He looked down into a pair of turquoise eyes."Yes, Quatre?"

"Did mommy have to leave us?"

"Yes, Quatre.I guess she did."

**_They're calling our names… forever more…_**

Salman left his son crying with Anael.There was so much he had to get in order.His other daughters had been notified.Those who could were on their way.But here was something he had to take care of.

Quaterina had been laid out in her favorite dress.He remembered when she had bought it, for some scarce remembered event."Same color as your eyes, my love."He ran his fingers through her golden hair, so soft, so beautiful."The color of the sun's beams."He gently stroked the cool skin of her face."You look at peace now, dear heart."He lightly kissed her cold lips and then picked up her hand.With a sad smile at the memory of it's gifting, he removed the wedding ring.*Love me now forever*

**_I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room…_**

He came back to find Irea sitting with the children.He watched from the doorway as she soothed Quatre's tears.Anael didn't seem to be crying as much, but she'd been motherless her whole life.She had always been a little more independent./Quaterina, your son is so much like you.Same eyes, same hair, same gentle nature. /

**_My heart still surrenders… Like the sun to the moon…_**

/He is so different from Anael.She is so fearless, such a troublemaker, such a horribly wonderful influence on him.Quatre is so loyally devoted to her.They should be alright, Quaterina, as long as they are together.I don't know how to do this.I haven't exactly been the most active of fathers.Now I have to be both mother and father.I don't know if my heart can take this right now. /

**_I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly…_**

He turned away from his son.It was too painful to look at that smaller version of Quaterina.His looks, his personality, everything about him.Salman locked himself into the den.He fell into a chair and buried his face in his hands./Oh, Allah… / He could feel the hot tears spilling out of his eyes and ever his hands.He couldn't believe he was crying.He was a grown man, a father; he should be stronger than this.He didn't know how he could face Quatre everyday.To see her face in miniature…

**_Love me now forever… Were the last words you said to me…_**

The family stood around the grave, saying goodbye.Irea had taken responsibility for Anael and Quatre and had already taken the children back to the house.The rest of the family soon followed, leaving him alone.Salman knelt and traced the word etched in the stone."You'll have to rest without me for a while, my love.I have to raise our son.He is my heir.I'll make sure he's everything we want him to be.Rest well, my love.I love you."He ran his fingers over the stone one last time.

*Quaterina Winner*

*Love me now forever*

-sin sin, tis done-

I really see Master Winner as a man who never completely recovered from his wife's death.As a result he pushes Quatre harder than he should, this plays out in other ficcies of mine.This is the closest I can come to writing a deathfic.If you were interested, 'Salman' is an Arabic name that means 'peace'.'Nalini', my original character Anael's mother, her name is Sanskrit for 'lovely'.


End file.
